Lumma CLR X5 RS

She Who Must be Obeyed is of the (frequently stated) opinion that while Hugh Jackman's toned torso as Wolverine is a thing of beauty and a joy forever, most of the time Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnston looks like he's been blown up with a bicycle pump.

Maybe somebody should make the same point to customising specialist Lumma Design, particularly after taking a long, hard look at the CLR X 5 RS, Lumma's take on the F15-series BMW X5.

At this stage, the X5 programme is purely cosmetic, although Lumma assures us that performance upgrades (including carbon-fibre engine covers!) for both petrol and diesel X5 models are in preparation.

For now, however, it's all about dramatically flared wheel-arches (complete with cool-air intakes for the rear brakes) behind a deep front bumper with one-piece splitter, gaping air intakes and built-in daytime running lights. The side skirts are custom-made, as is the power-bulged and deeply vented composite bonnet, "designed for hot countries and powerful engines".

The special rear trim sports a full-width diffuser between huge oval tailpipes - and yes, Cyril, a special Lumma exhaust system with a driver-operated 'sound flap' is on the menu. The tailgate wears a lip spoiler and even the tail light clusters have been 'frenched' with little add-on panels to reinforce the 'low and wide' look of the rear treatment.

But perhaps the most eye-catching elements of this oeuvre-le-taupe bling suit are the 23" CLR GT rims in matte black with decorative strips, shod with 315/25 low-profile rubber. One wonders why they bothered - why not just glue a rubber tread on the rims?

Pret-a-porter interior upgrades include an ergonomically-shaped sports steering wheel trimmed in your choice of leather, alcantara or carbon-fibre, velour floor-mats with leather trim and embroidered Lumma logo, and aluminium pedals with non-slip rubber studs.

Alternatively, Lumma will custom-craft the entire cabin trim for you in solid colour or two-tone, in your desired combination of alcantara, nappa leather and ostrich skin, either on your existing X5 or on a brand new ex-factory vehicle. More information about the program is available on the web site at www.hmhid.com.